Exhaustive Selection Process Executed Between the Second & Third Period of the most recent Home Game Culminates with Sharks being selected over all other Bay Area Professional Sports Teams
April 1, 2018, Campbell CA. TidalScale, a Bay Area venture backed startup, today announced the selection of the San Jose Sharks of the National Hockey League as its official sports team. Many consider this an upset as the Sharks beat out other local teams including the World Champion Golden State Warriors, the San Francisco Giants, the 49ers, and the Earthquakes.
An anonymous person with one of the other Bay Area teams complained, “I believe this is collusion since I know that nearly all TidalScale board members hold Sharks season tickets! How can we compete with that insider position? Plus, the name TidalScale sounds just too much like a place that Sharks would be at home.”
Sharks Director of Public Relations Jim Sparaco seemed thrilled at the news, “I didn’t even realize we were up for consideration, and frankly I haven’t even heard of TidalScale. But, the Sharks are all about winning and the name TidalScale sounds cool. Can I get a software-defined server for my garage?”
Asked if there was any compensation given to TidalScale by the Sharks organization for this privilege, Gary Smerdon, TidalScale President & CEO admitted, “We received some leftover rally towels from past playoff games.”
TidalScale Board Member Lars Leckie added, "the Sharks are where it’s at. Hockey is the fastest game on ice. And the Sharks have fins. Nobody else has fins. Well, maybe the Dolphins but they don’t count because they aren’t in the Bay Area."
Over the years, the TidalScale team has collected a random smattering of paraphernalia that they have displayed on a “Wall of Cool Stuff” at TidalScale Intergalactic Headquarters.
Though TidalScale executives are proud of their Sharks gear, the display tends to confuse visitors.
"I often wonder whether an unspoken TidalScale investor prerequisite is that you have to be a season ticket holder at the Shark Tank," said a top Sand Hill Road venture capitalist. "I guess I will sign-up for Sharks 365 so I have a chance with TidalScale.”
"The Sharks as a team mascot is much more aligned with us,” Leckie added. “Besides the fact that the Shark’s play in the SAP Center and TidalScale was founded by a former SAP executive, it’s only a 13-minute commute to see them play in San Jose.
Who wants to drive all the way to Santa Clara? That’s 5 miles more, and those are Silicon Valley miles!”
“Whenever I hit upon a key point in my presentations, I like to proclaim ‘…and that is truly the hat trick the datacenter industry has been anxiously waiting for!’" said Ike Nassi, founder/CTO of TidalScale and weirdly devoted Sharks Superfan. " I get a lot of blank stares, so I have to explain the finer points of a hat-trick in hockey and why it’s so amazing to see. Sometimes I even throw my Sharks hat at them to reinforce the point.”
Editor’s note: No other Bay Area sports team was harmed in the selection of this distinguished award.